I miss my Grandfather. Its weird thinking about that in light of the fact that I really miss my whole family. Sometimes this longing feels the same…but of course its different because he's really gone. I always miss my family and miss being a part of their everyday lives, but I know that they are doing their thing in Little Rock or New Orleans and I can picture them living normal life. I look forward to seeing them in a few weeks when Baby arrives or at the holidays. I can pick up the phone and call them, or we can video chat (so thankful for the technology to do that!). With Pop…sometimes it just hits me that he’s really gone, and it makes me sad and I grieve him all over again every time, especially recently. Like, Saturday, Mom and I were talking about baking over the holidays, and it just struck me again how different Christmas is going to be this year without him. I’ve had “different” Christmases…I’m not always in Little Rock for the holiday season…but this year will just be so so different because his fingerprint won’t be on it this year, at least not in the same way.
I feel selfish because I know most of my family lives with the reality of his death everyday…the normal parts of life that he was involved in for them are different than it was for me. I haven’t lived in Little Rock for over 10 years, I haven’t been a part of their everyday life since I was in High School. Does that make it easier for them to mourn his death, or easier for me because I’m not hit in the face with his loss every day like they are? I don’t think its easier for any of us. I know they still grieve him just like I do. I asked Mom and Dad the other day while we were video chatting, “So, do y’all miss Pop as much as I do.” Of course, the answer is yes.
I miss my family, but I also know that this is where we’re supposed to be. We’re a long distance family, as SO many families are these days. I’ve learned to live with their absence, and am learning how to do my part to keep our relationships strong and make them a part of our everyday life even though we’re 1000 miles apart. I want Liam to know all of his grandparents...just like I know mine. Its going to take more effort, but I know it is so worth it.