what is the measure of conviction by which we actually change? what is that catalytic rupture that moves us to change for better or worse every day? to not say "I can change" or "I will change", but to change because that is the only remaining function that our spirit or will or body can undertake. it seems like after we've exhausted all of our arsenal on God and each other and our selves, only then do we collapse into change. we hold our breaths deep within the water as our muscles begin to ache and our lungs begin to burn, till our ears are filled with our own silent screams, till we can do nothing but inhale in the salted water or the oxygen. i am a creature who prolongs the inevitable. I will talk about change, i will boast on how I have done it or how I am making efforts to do so, but until i am forced to be broken, until i let go of my control of what He feeds into my lungs i am a man floating aimlessly in the sea, hoarding the sail as a blanket to cover me instead of giving myself up to the artic air and using the sail to be my transport. Lord give me a heart that is more maleable by your word.


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