Best of Both Worlds

so here's my struggle. i'm feeling unproductive in life. we as humans, and especially women, are created to "give life," whether by having children or growing a garden or making someone smile, we thrive on producing things that are worthwhile, beautiful, and useful. i'm struggling because even though i'm "contributing to society," and my family by working full time for the bank...my mind races all day of so many other, seemingly more useful, things i could be doing. Andrew's schedule has been such that he is able to take care of things at home when i've been unable to do them. He's been incredibly productive, even when he feels like he's being "unproductive." He's helping me out, helping "us" out. but the weird thing is that i'm not jealous that i can't be home, i enjoy working...really. :) i'm jealous that i'm not taking care of my house the way i want to, or that i'm not home to cook dinner at night, or that i can't give my best to the people i really care about. i find myself saying, "i'm bored" a lot, but would i change my job if offered something new? is it what i'm doing that's the problem? or what i'm not doing? do i just need to chill out and lighten up about my job? or do i need to kick it in gear and take more responsibility for my life? ...i'm not feeling productive in my job...but then i feel like i'm complaining a lot about something i really can't change right now (and don't really want to change) .

the end of my venting session. i still hear that perfect voice in my heart, "Virginia, rest in Me. Trust Me. Be still...cease striving. cease striving. and know..."

i've started a new Beth Moore study called, "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things." its all about the presence of Satan and how he works to seduce God's people to stray. how real is this battle we are in? do we believe it? i'll update as i go along. i think it's going to be a very powerful study.


Elise 19/9/04 10:14 PM  

Are you doing the study on your own or with a group?

Virginia 20/9/04 8:23 AM  

i'm doing the study with a group that Kristy invited me to through the Fellowship...it meets on Tues nights, led by Carolyn Schmitt.

Elise 21/9/04 11:30 AM  

I've heard great things about Carolyn.--Should be a good study. I like how you called it "the Fellowship" kind of like "The Grove". :) I know it wasn't intentional, but it made me smile.

Virginia 21/9/04 2:28 PM  

haha...i just noticed that...:) i think i meant to say "the Fellowship Women's Ministry"...then decided to just say "Fellowship" and forgot to take off the "the." :) blogging blunders.

Elise 21/9/04 9:53 PM  

On another note, props to Andrew for holding down the fort, making dinner and all that. Marriage is about working together and sometimes that looks different than what we expect. :)

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